Writers Horoscope August 21: Prepare to be exploited.

Your desperation attracts jackals.

jackal-2595360_1280

You wanted an editor for your easy chapter book. First quote to come in: $1500.
Say what?
Exhibit patience. Not your strong suit.
Lower quotes are on the way.
Time for you to be the exploiter.**


 

**Even if you follow up on a $500 offer, and don’t like the results, find another editor with a reasonable rate. Result: Detailed feedback from two editors and you’re still out hundreds less than if you’d jumped at that first profiteer.

 

 

Eclipse checklist: I’m ready.

Seems we’re expecting tens [maybe hundreds] of thousands of folks heading to our area for this weird thing happening up in the sky on Monday.

Bring it on. There are rumors of our utilities being overtaxed, what with visitors needing things like water, electricity, and basic sanitation–seems there’s no pleasing some people.

I say, bring on the apoc-eclipse. I am all over this.

First and foremost…coffee [pre-pulverized, in case we lose power], my Clever Coffee Dripper, and coffee beans [we snobs like it fresh ground, if possible]. Filters don’t rate a photo, but they’re in my emergency pack, as well.

coffee and clever

 

Second, [again, if we lose power] a heat source…boil water for coffee and grill whatever will be thawing out from the freezer. And there’ll be lots of unfrozen fruit on our paper plates as well. Not so surprisingly, even in these potentially dire situations, I’ll still be unimpressed by the bumper crop of summer squash holding up our side fence.

charcoal heat and cooking source

 

Next, my most vital food stuff.

kettle-corn

 

Still in the sustenance department, nothing like a little touch of whimsy…

boffo

Seems someone in the household is having boundary issues.

 

On the day of the eclipse, I guess I’ll humor those millions of alarmists who seem to think a) they know more than I do  b) I need these when looking at sun and moon in partial eclipse phase.

eclipse glasses

 

 

NASA is also inviting us to be citizen-scientists. My specialized headgear is a clear sign I take this responsibility seriously. [My wife agrees it’s a clear sign of something else.]

light bulb hat citizen scientist

 

And if outages persist and I get desperate…

nose and glasses

These should perfectly disguise me when I saunter into someone’s living room and snag their generator complete with, I hope, an idiot-proof instruction manual.

 

I just noticed the missing eyebrow. That’s a problem. I’ll be a whole lot easier to pick out in a lineup. Luckily, the headgear will help me blend in. Then again, will I make it to the lineup or will there be an executive decision to transport me elsewhere?

Writers Horoscope August 18: Your standards will be tested today.

Newspaper’s…store sign’s…blog post’s…everywere you look, you see typographical error’s, subject-verb disagreement’s, and multiple misuse’s of the apostrophe.

Your wundering if its a plot to drive you nut’s. **

What to do? Cease and desist reading hard or Web copy?

Or, for a measure of writerly catharsis, whip out a red pen at the coffee shop and have at the local rag. [Do resist intrusive rants and violent shredding, and you might consider an iced frappa-soya-chino instead of the lawsuit-inducing 16 oz. dark roast .]

Or just shrug and forge ahead, secure with the guiding light of Warriner’s English Grammar and Composition rules.


**Count the number of errors in the bold text and let me know in the comments how many you’ve detected. If you’re really intense, copy/paste the text in the comment box and paste in little dagger emojis next to the errors.

This might also help   >>>>>>    😡

 

Writers Horoscope August 17: Solid advice exists elsewhere.

Age-old wisdom from golfing instructors: “Keep your head down.”

It works with first drafts too.

Head down. Or at least away from the screen.

The misspelled ‘their’…the extra space at the end of a sentence…the ‘angle’ instead of ‘angel’? Fixable.

‘Drift’ in your draft? Not so fixable. Ditto that feeling you’ve been through a grinder after your daily 1000 words.

Remember: Head down. [You can sweat the ergonomics later.]

Tired overworked businessman sleeping

Typical victim of EAYD [Edit-As-You-Draft].

At least his head’s down…

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